Time After Time
by jaceblack
Summary: What do you do when you have lost everything? How do you get by, what do you think as your grief slowly consumes you? Thirteen years is a long time to be separated from those you love. Are they really there waiting for you, in the TIME AFTER TIME?


**_Summary: This is a bittersweet, slightly morbid songfic to the song time after time. It is based around the idea of grief, and what that can do to a person. _**

**Time after Time **

_Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and I think of you _

_Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new_

_Flash back, warm nights almost left behind, _

_Suitcase of memories, time after_

The clock on the wall has been growing steadily louder for the last hour. "Tick Tock, Tick, Tock", ceaselessly beats, like the heart aching in my chest. In half an hour the alarm will ring, I will get up, have breakfast, get dressed and go about my day. The same as yesterday, the day before, and the day before that and no doubt the same as tomorrow will be. Pretending that I am anything more than a shell, condemned to live out my days in this pitiful excuse for an existence, while everything I love has long faded away, never to light up my day again. I can still remember the way your face would light up when you smiled, and the way you made each day worth living.

_Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking to far ahead, _

_You're calling to me; I can't hear what you've said, _

_Then you say, go slow, I fall behind, _

_The second hand unwinds,_

I dream about you all the time, always you. The memories of everything we went through together, all the fun we had. All the pranks we pulled, all the times we shared, good and bad. Last night you were calling to me, standing just beyond my reach. The words you say have been haunting me for years. Always the same thing:

'_If you're lost, you can look and you will find me_

_Time after time _

_If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, _

_Time after time'_

What does that mean? Your gone, you left me here to go on without you. Never again will you laugh with me, never again will you flick paper at me, never again will you tell me secrets as you listen to mine, never again will you drink with me. I'll never get to pay you back the money I owed you, or tell you that it was me who told her that you could draw and gave her that beautiful portrait of her that you did. You'll never know that it was I who put the fireworks in your room, or that it was I who cornered her and told her that you loved her more than life itself and that if she didn't at least talk to you I would make her. All the memories we have will forever be just that, memories.

_If you're lost, you can look and you will find me_

_Time after time _

_If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, (I will be waiting)_

_Time after time_

I still don't understand what you mean, you died to protect those you loved and gave up everything. You always were selfless, that's what made you such an amazing friend. All those times you put yourself on the line for us. All the chances you took, all the lies you told to protect me. I still can't believe you're gone. You were my lifeline, the one I could count on beyond anything else. I could really use you right now, your ability to make the best of any situation. To make fun out of the most boring moments.

_After my picture fades and darkness has turned to grey, _

_Watching through windows, you're wondering if I'm ok, _

_Secrets stolen, from deep inside, _

_The drum beats out of time_

On the wall, our graduation picture hangs, taunting me. We were so happy to be finally leaving. So happy that we had survived. After everything we had been through together. All the secrets we kept all the history we made. We're all smiling; we had no idea of the horrors to come. That one of our friends, our dearest, most trusted friends, would betray us so totally. He will pay for what he has done; I will make sure of it. I don't understand why we didn't see that it was him all along. Perhaps we should have…

_If you're lost, you can look and you will find me_

_Time after time _

_If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, _

_Time after time_

If I could go back in time, I would stop all of this from happening. Surely, a different, uncertain future would be better than this one. Anything would be better than this.

_Then you say, go slow, I fall behind, _

_The second hand unwinds,_

Time passes differently now. The future is just a long, dark road stretching out into eternity. It all used to look so bright, when we were just kids, looking forward to fighting. We were so eager, I'm not even sure if we knew what we were doing for most of it. After all, we joined the order straight out of school.

_If you're lost, you can look and you will find me_

_Time after time _

_If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, _

_Time after time_

_If you're lost, you can look and you will find me_

_Time after time _

Perhaps I should have a drink. That seems like a good idea right now. I'll drink to your memory. No, I can't, they just contacted me. Harry needs me; he's fighting for his life right now. I'm on my way Harry. Ha-ha, my cousin thinks she can beat me in a duel? We used to do this all the time, duelling I mean. It was one of your favourite past times, that and Quidditch. Oh, and chasing after a particular girl. But you got her eventually didn't you? This duel is getting interesting now, the idiot is using dark magic. Well, two can play at that game! I know, you don't approve, but they did teach it to me. The least I can do is use it. Just this once though, I promise. Never again after this, just to protect Harry.

_If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, (I will be waiting)_

_Time after time_

I am falling, falling, I don't know how far. Surely, the ground isn't that far away. Is this what it feels like to die? This isn't so bad, I can't really feel much. The light seems to be getting brighter rather than dying out, though, and I can see a doorway not to far away. But that isn't the best part. In the middle of the room, whole and unharmed, you stand waiting for me. It's just like my dream, you stand beckoning for me, calling out. But unlike my dream, I can move, I can walk with you through the door, and into the unknown, Prongs and Padfoot's greatest adventure…

And as Sirius Black fell through the veil, he finally understood what James had meant, he really was waiting for him, in the

_Time after time_

_**Authors note: This is a bittersweet, slightly (ok maybe more than slightly) morbid songfic to the song time after time. It is based around the idea of grief, and what that can do to a person. The story is told through the thoughts and from the perspective of Sirius Black. It is set mostly during the long hours he spent alone at Grimmauld place, but the last part is set as he falls through the veil and into the after life, the Time After Time. **_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the song lyrics. The plot is my own. The characters are J.K Rowling's. The song is Cindi Lauper's. **


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